Monday, April 30, 2012

SAT Test Answers

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
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Morning Pic Dump











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Birthdays on April 30th
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Funny Video Clip


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Todays Pic Dump












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Blast from the Past


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Leftovers








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Todays Quote
Birthday Boy
Al Lewis


America gets the politicians they deserve. That's it. And you keep struggling.
Al Lewis

As long as you gave it your best shot, even if in the opinion of others "you failed," you didn't fail.
Al Lewis

But find something that you absolutely love doing. And then get to love the way you do it. That's the uniqueness of all of us. That's it.
Al Lewis

Every Friday I used to have about fifty, sixty kids who would wait for me on Sunset Boulevard and I'd take them all to dinner. All runaways.
Al Lewis

I have an old brain but a terrific memory.
Al Lewis

I know who I am. I don't have to brag. I know what I contributed. I know what I did. You think you can do it better? Hey, go right ahead. The stage is yours.
Al Lewis

I prefer that for my own satisfaction over radio, there's no audience. TV, there's no audience. I need the response of the audience, even if it's a silent response.
Al Lewis

I probably worked every single entertainment medium, including some that don't exist. I worked the circus, carnival, I had my own medicine show, I worked 18 years of radio.
Al Lewis

I think people need housing. And there's empty buildings, I think people should live in there. If you want to call them squatters, trespassers, hey, I call Wall Street thieves!
Al Lewis

I was an organizer in the Food, Agricultural and Tobacco Workers Union down in North Carolina.
Al Lewis


I went to all the Love-Ins. I took my kids. I enjoyed myself.
Al Lewis

I'm for everyone having the opportunity to accept a $150,000 bribe.
Al Lewis

I'm more important to me than any body you can mention. Do you know that?
Al Lewis

I've been in the struggle over seventy years - it doesn't bother me I may not win.
Al Lewis

My secret for success? I don't know what the hell success means.
Al Lewis

Oscar Wilde said the rich and the poor are equal - they can both sleep under the bridge. Right? Do they have a right? You're damn right they have a right!
Al Lewis

The ruling class is smarter than you, and they're more creative. And if you forget that lesson, you go down the drain. Because if they weren't, they wouldn't be around as long as they have been and as strong as they have been.
Al Lewis

The struggle goes on. The victory is in the struggle, for me. And I accepted that a long time ago.
Al Lewis

The United States, per capita, at a certain period in its history, had the most junkies of any country ever in the world - right after the Civil War. The most brutal war, the greatest amount of casualties that America's ever had.
Al Lewis

There's more to anybody. Just because you haven't noticed it, that's your problem, that's not mine.
Al Lewis


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact me at papacase77@gmail.com

Friday, April 27, 2012

Signs that You Need a Vacation

Your accumulated vacation hours let you retire 10 years early.
The radiation from your monitor has burnt your shadow onto the wall
Wife has more and older children than you can account for.
You've gone from decaf to espresso to straight gin.
Wastebasket in your office is full of the ripped-off faces of people who came to you with a question or problem...
You get on the down elevator on floor six, push the sixth floor button and become irritated that you are not going anywhere.
Your kids call 911 and report a burglary when you come home at early one night (8pm). They didn't recognize you ...first time you have been home before their bedtime in months.
You look at the clock...it shows 6:00...you can't remember if it's AM or PM.
The janitor vacuums you in the evenings
The little leprechaun, that only you can see, who keeps telling you to, "Burn it, burn it all."
You spend too much time in front of the microwave before noticing it's not your TV.
You've begun to enjoy the elevator music.
Acne at age 43.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip of espresso.
What shall I do today? Pretend to work ...take a hostage ... pretend to work ...take a hostage ...
Road rage in the supermarket resulting in broken bones from the canned yams.
Whenever your boss asks how the project you've been working on 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, is coming along, you laugh uncontrollably for 3 minutes, then break into a medley of show tunes.
Tylenol stock takes a nasty drop every time you take a weekend off.
A growing need to DO something about the guy in the next cube. You know, the one that makes all those annoying sounds and smells. Yeah, something...something permanent. Yeah...
Spend day staring at the squirrels on the front lawn of the building. (There aren't any squirrels at your building. There's not even a lawn).
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Morning Pic Dump








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Funny clip of the Day
 Uncle Arnie
 


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Birthdays on April 27th

1959 - Sheena Easton
1922 - Jack Klugman
1822 - Ulysses S. Grant
1822 - Frederick Law Olmsted
1820 - Herbert Spencer


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Todays Pic Dump










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Blast from the Past


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Todays Quote
Birthday Girl
Coretta Scott King


Freedom and justice cannot be parceled out in pieces to suit political convenience. I don't believe you can stand for freedom for one group of people and deny it to others.
Coretta Scott King

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.
Coretta Scott King

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood.
Coretta Scott King

I believe all Americans who believe in freedom, tolerance and human rights have a responsibility to oppose bigotry and prejudice based on sexual orientation.
Coretta Scott King

I'm fulfilled in what I do. I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes - the finer things of life - would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense.
Coretta Scott King

If American women would increase their voting turnout by ten percent, I think we would see an end to all of the budget cuts in programs benefiting women and children.
Coretta Scott King

Mama and Daddy King represent the best in manhood and womanhood, the best in a marriage, the kind of people we are trying to become.
Coretta Scott King

Segregation was wrong when it was forced by white people, and I believe it is still wrong when it is requested by black people.
Coretta Scott King

Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation.
Coretta Scott King

There is a spirit and a need and a man at the beginning of every great human advance. Every one of these must be right for that particular moment of history, or nothing happens.
Coretta Scott King

= Women, if the soul of the nation is to be saved, I believe that you must become its soul.
Coretta Scott King

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact me at papacase77@gmail.com