The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
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Morning Pic Dump
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Birthdays on April 30th
1982 - Kirsten Dunst
1945 - Annie Dillard
1938 - Larry Niven
1933 - Willie Nelson
1777 - Carl Friedrich Gauss
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Funny Video Clip
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Todays Pic Dump
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Blast from the Past
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Leftovers
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Todays Quote
Birthday Boy
Al Lewis
As long as you gave it your best shot, even if in the opinion of others "you failed," you didn't fail.
Al Lewis
But find something that you absolutely love doing. And then get to love the way you do it. That's the uniqueness of all of us. That's it.
Al Lewis
Every Friday I used to have about fifty, sixty kids who would wait for me on Sunset Boulevard and I'd take them all to dinner. All runaways.
Al Lewis
I have an old brain but a terrific memory.
Al Lewis
I know who I am. I don't have to brag. I know what I contributed. I know what I did. You think you can do it better? Hey, go right ahead. The stage is yours.
Al Lewis
I prefer that for my own satisfaction over radio, there's no audience. TV, there's no audience. I need the response of the audience, even if it's a silent response.
Al Lewis
I probably worked every single entertainment medium, including some that don't exist. I worked the circus, carnival, I had my own medicine show, I worked 18 years of radio.
Al Lewis
I think people need housing. And there's empty buildings, I think people should live in there. If you want to call them squatters, trespassers, hey, I call Wall Street thieves!
Al Lewis
I was an organizer in the Food, Agricultural and Tobacco Workers Union down in North Carolina.
Al Lewis
I went to all the Love-Ins. I took my kids. I enjoyed myself.
Al Lewis
I'm for everyone having the opportunity to accept a $150,000 bribe.
Al Lewis
I'm more important to me than any body you can mention. Do you know that?
Al Lewis
I've been in the struggle over seventy years - it doesn't bother me I may not win.
Al Lewis
My secret for success? I don't know what the hell success means.
Al Lewis
Oscar Wilde said the rich and the poor are equal - they can both sleep under the bridge. Right? Do they have a right? You're damn right they have a right!
Al Lewis
The ruling class is smarter than you, and they're more creative. And if you forget that lesson, you go down the drain. Because if they weren't, they wouldn't be around as long as they have been and as strong as they have been.
Al Lewis
The struggle goes on. The victory is in the struggle, for me. And I accepted that a long time ago.
Al Lewis
The United States, per capita, at a certain period in its history, had the most junkies of any country ever in the world - right after the Civil War. The most brutal war, the greatest amount of casualties that America's ever had.
Al Lewis
There's more to anybody. Just because you haven't noticed it, that's your problem, that's not mine.
Al Lewis
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