GREAT TRUTHS...
THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS...
THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS...
ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS...
THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS...
ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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Morning Pic Dump
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Birthdays on March26th
1874 - Robert Frost
1904 - Joseph Campbell
1905 - Viktor E. Frankl
1941 - Richard Dawkins
1911 - Tennessee Williams
1904 - Joseph Campbell
1905 - Viktor E. Frankl
1941 - Richard Dawkins
1911 - Tennessee Williams
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Todays Pic Dump
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Blast from the Past
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Afternoon Funnies
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This day in History
- Lead Story
- Israel-Egyptian peace agreement signed, 1979
- American Revolution
- South Carolina approves new constitution, 1776
- Automotive
- Ford sells Jaguar and Land Rover to India's Tata, 2008
- Civil War
- McPherson takes over the Union Army of the Tennessee, 1864
- Cold War
- McCarthy charges that Owen Lattimore is a Soviet spy, 1950
- Crime
- Torture chamber uncovered in Philadelphia, 1987
- Disaster
- Deadly earthquake hits California, 1872
- General Interest
- Salk announces polio vaccine, 1953
- Heaven's Gate cult members found dead, 1997
- Hollywood
- American Beauty tops Academy Awards, 2000
- Literary
- F. Scott Fitzgerald's first novel published, 1920
- Music
- "Black" music gets whitewashed, as Georgia Gibbs hits the pop charts with "The Wallflower (Dance With Me, Henry)", 1955
- Old West
- The steamboat Yellowstone heads for Montana, 1832
- Presidential
- Jefferson presented with a "mammoth loaf" of bread, 1804
- Sports
- Michigan State defeats Indiana State in NCAA championship, 1979
- Vietnam War
- Antiwar demonstration in Washington, 1969
- Hue falls to the communists, 1975
- World War I
- First Battle of Gaza, 1917
- World War II
- Naval warfare gets new weapon, 1941
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