************************************************
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
**********************************************
Morning Funnies
****************************************************
Birthdays on May 9th
1860 - James M. Barrie
1949 - Billy Joel
1883 - Jose Ortega y Gasset
1965 - Steve Yzerman
1946 - Candice Bergen
1949 - Billy Joel
1883 - Jose Ortega y Gasset
1965 - Steve Yzerman
1946 - Candice Bergen
*****************************************************
Todays Pic Dump
********************************************************
Blast from the Past
***************************************************
****************************************************
This day in History
- Lead Story
- L. Ron Hubbard publishes Dianetics, 1950
- American Revolution
- Patriot politician and composer Francis Hopkinson dies, 1791
- Automotive
- "Speed Racer" movie released, 2008
- Civil War
- Union troops take Snake Creek Gap, Georgia, 1864
- Cold War
- West Germany joins NATO, 1955
- Crime
- Cunanan continues murder spree, 1997
- Disaster
- Soccer fans trampled in Ghana, 2001
- General Interest
- Captain Blood steals crown jewels, 1671
- Byrd flies over the North Pole?, 1926
- FDA approves the pill, 1960
- Aldo Moro found dead, 1978
- Former POW is ambassador to Vietnam, 1997
- Hollywood
- Last Honeymooners episode airs, 1971
- Literary
- James Barrie is born, 1860
- Music
- An unlikely challenger ends the Beatles' reign atop the U.S. pop charts, 1964
- Old West
- Buffalo Bill's Wild West show opens, 1887
- Presidential
- Woodrow Wilson proclaims the first Mother's Day holiday, 1914
- Sports
- Johnny Bench hits three home runs off Steve Carlton, 1973
- Vietnam War
- Reporter breaks the news of secret bombing in Cambodia, 1969
- Demonstrations held in Washington, 1970
- House votes to initiate impeachment proceedings, 1974
- World War I
- Allies launch dual offensive on Western Front, 1915
- World War II
- Herman Goering is captured by the U.S. Seventh Army, 1945
- ***************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment