The collection Plate

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation

 that the church needed some extra money

 and asked the people to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. 

He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

 After the offering plates were passed, 

the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone 

had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. 

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy

 with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank

 the person who placed the money in the plate. 

A very quiet, elderly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand.

 The pastor asked her to come to the front. 

Slowly she made her way to the pastor

. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much 

and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

 Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, 

pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said,

 "I'll take him and him and him."

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Morning Funnies

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Birthdays on May 13th
1937 - Madeleine Albright
1950 - Stevie Wonder
1986 - Lena Dunham
1964 - Stephen Colbert
1986 - Robert Pattinson

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Blast from the Past

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Afternoon Funnies 

 

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This day in History

Lead Story

President Polk declares war on Mexico, 1846

American Revolution

Connecticut Patriot Eliphalet Dyer dies, 1807

Automotive

Autoworkers union head joins Chrysler board, 1980

Civil War

Grant moves on Jackson, Mississippi, 1863

Cold War

Vice President Nixon is attacked, 1958

Crime

Pope John Paul II is shot, 1981

A raid is set for MOVE headquarters, 1985

Disaster

Fire breaks out at club in Japan, 1972

General Interest

Mary Queen of Scots defeated, 1568

Jamestown founded, 1607

Pope John Paul II shot, 1981

Hollywood

Edison sues over new motion-picture technology, 1898

Literary

Daphne Du Maurier, author of Rebecca, is born, 1907

Music

Stevie Wonder comes of age, 1971

Old West

The inventor of western swing dies, 1975

Presidential

Nixon attacked by angry Venezuelans, 1958

Sports

First Battle of the Sexes, 1973

Vietnam War

Paris peace talks at standstill, 1971

Heavy fighting continues at Quang Tri and Kontum, 1972

World War I

Edith Wharton writes of the war's effect on France, 1915

World War II

Churchill announces: "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.", 1940

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