Funnies

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..' ___________________ ________________________ 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, 'the Divorce Court Judge said,'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' ___________________________________________ A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' _____________________________ ______________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ___________________________________________ Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. ___________________________________________ A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ___________________________________________ Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ___________________________________________ While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' ___________________________________________ The graveside service for the old man's wife was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.' ********************************************** Morning Pic Dump ******************************************* Birthdays on August 9th 1968 - Gillian Anderson 1968 - Eric Bana 1963 - Whitney Houston 1927 - Marvin Minsky 1896 - Jean Piaget ******************************************* Todays Pic Dump    ******************************************** Blast from the Past

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Afternoon Funnies

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Todays Quote

Birthday Girl

Whitney Houston

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From the beginning, the camera and I were great friends. It loves me, and I love it.
Whitney Houston

God gave me a voice to sing with, and when you have that, what other gimmick is there?
Whitney Houston

I almost wish I could be more exciting, that I could match what is happening out there to me.
Whitney Houston

I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside.
Whitney Houston

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow; if I fail, or if I succeed at least I did as I believe.
Whitney Houston

I finally faced the fact that it isn't a crime not having friends. Being alone means you have fewer problems.
Whitney Houston

I like being a woman, even in a man's world. After all, men can't wear dresses, but we can wear the pants.
Whitney Houston

I'm not crazy about arenas just because I can sell them out. It doesn't do anything for my ego at all. I want to play places where people don't have to sit in the nosebleed seats and wonder what the hell is going on.
Whitney Houston

I've turned down a lot of arena dates because I've done the big-arena thing. Now, I want to do something where people can feel me and I can feel them.
Whitney Houston

My mother taught me that when you stand in the truth and someone tells a lie about you, don't fight it.
Whitney Houston

No, I'm not a drug addict, and neither is my husband. If that were so, you'd get a lot less work out of me. It would show in the performances and in the work.
Whitney Houston

Nobody likes to be picked on. Nobody.
Whitney Houston

When I decided to be a singer, my mother warned me I'd be alone a lot. Basically we all are. Loneliness comes with life.
Whitney Houston

When I heard Aretha, I could feel her emotional delivery so clearly. It came from down deep within. That's what I wanted to do.
Whitney Houston

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