Number One Idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot
Number Three Idiot
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”;
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America .
Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”;
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America .
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot
Number Four Idiot
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot
Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, “Because I don't believe you are over 21.”;
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, “Because I don't believe you are over 21.”;
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six
Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”;
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”;
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven
Idiot Number Seven
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, here's your sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight
I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here ! I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”;
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here ! I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”;
Take the sign - Please!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay Alert! They walk among us ... they Reproduce ... they Vote
and I'm sure that many of them hold elected office
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Morning Pic Dump
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Birthdays on August 15th
1974 - Natasha Henstridge
1972 - Ben Affleck
1946 - Jimmy Webb
1914 - Paul Rand
1912 - Julia Child
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Todays Pic Dump
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Blast from the Past
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Afternoon Funnies
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| Love with a Porpoise |
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Todays Quote
Birthday Girl
Julia Childs
Animals that we eat are raised for food in the most economical way possible, and the serious food producers do it in the most humane way possible. I think anyone who is a carnivore needs to understand that meat does not originally come in these neat little packages.
Julia Child
As we say in the American Institute of Wine and Food, small helpings, no seconds. A little bit of everything. No snacking. And have a good time.
Julia Child
Because I've done a lot of television, I'm sort of a generalist. I'm not a pastry cook, but I've had to learn a certain amount about it. I'm not a baker, though I've had to learn how to do it. I'm sort of a general cook.
Julia Child
Being tall is an advantage, especially in business. People will always remember you. And if you're in a crowd, you'll always have some clean air to breathe.
Julia Child
Drama is very important in life: You have to come on with a bang. You never want to go out with a whimper. Everything can have drama if it's done right. Even a pancake.
Julia Child
Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.
Julia Child
I fell in love with the public, the public fell in love with me, and I tried to keep it that way.
Julia Child
I found that the recipes in most - in all - the books I had were really not adequate. They didn't tell you enough... I won't do anything unless I'm told why I'm doing it. So I felt that we needed fuller explanations so that if you followed one of those recipes, it should turn out exactly right.
Julia Child
I had my first French meal and I never got over it. It was just marvelous. We had oysters and a lovely dry white wine. And then we had one of those lovely scalloped dishes and the lovely, creamery buttery sauce. Then we had a roast duck and I don't know what else.
Julia Child
I hate organized religion. I think you have to love thy neighbor as thyself. I think you have to pick your own God and be true to him. I always say 'him' rather than 'her.' Maybe it's because of my generation, but I don't like the idea of a female God. I see God as a benevolent male.
Julia Child
I still feel that French cooking is the most important in the world, one of the few that has rules. If you follow the rules, you can do pretty well.
Julia Child
I think careful cooking is love, don't you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who's close to you is about as nice a valentine as you can give.
Julia Child
I think one of the terrible things today is that people have this deathly fear of food: fear of eggs, say, or fear of butter. Most doctors feel that you can have a little bit of everything.
Julia Child
I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.
Julia Child
I was going to be a great woman novelist. Then the war came along and I think it's hard for young people today, don't you, to realize that when World War II happened we were dying to go and help our country.
Julia Child
I was never a spy. I was with the OSS organization. We had a number of women, but we were all office help.
Julia Child
I wouldn't keep him around long if I didn't feed him well.
Julia Child
In department stores, so much kitchen equipment is bought indiscriminately by people who just come in for men's underwear.
Julia Child
In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport.
Julia Child
In my generation, except for a few people who'd gone into banking or nursing or something like that, middle-class women didn't have careers. You were to marry and have children and be a nice mother. You didn't go out and do anything. I found that I got restless.
Julia Child
Julia Child
I think careful cooking is love, don't you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who's close to you is about as nice a valentine as you can give.
Julia Child
I think one of the terrible things today is that people have this deathly fear of food: fear of eggs, say, or fear of butter. Most doctors feel that you can have a little bit of everything.
Julia Child
I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.
Julia Child
I was going to be a great woman novelist. Then the war came along and I think it's hard for young people today, don't you, to realize that when World War II happened we were dying to go and help our country.
Julia Child
I was never a spy. I was with the OSS organization. We had a number of women, but we were all office help.
Julia Child
I wouldn't keep him around long if I didn't feed him well.
Julia Child
In department stores, so much kitchen equipment is bought indiscriminately by people who just come in for men's underwear.
Julia Child
In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport.
Julia Child
In my generation, except for a few people who'd gone into banking or nursing or something like that, middle-class women didn't have careers. You were to marry and have children and be a nice mother. You didn't go out and do anything. I found that I got restless.
Julia Child
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Left Overs
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