Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine day... Brilliant, Romantic Ways to Say “I Love You” with Food


Morning funnies











 
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Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

  
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records.





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 Birthdays on February 14th


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Todays Pic Dump





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Blast from the Past



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Afternoon Funnies









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Today in History
Lead Story
St. Valentine beheaded, 278
American Revolution
Patriots defeat Loyalists at Kettle Creek, 1779
Automotive
Toyota patriarch born, 1867
Civil War
Union General Sherman enters Meridian, Mississippi, 1864
Cold War
Sandinistas agree to free elections, 1989
Crime
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, 1929
Disaster
Tornadoes sweep through southern Georgia, 2000
General Interest
Captain Cook killed in Hawaii, 1779
Valentine's Day Massacre takes place, 1929
Penicillin discovered, 1929
Hollywood
Hedda Hopper’s first column appears in the L.A. Times, 1938
Literary
The Boz Ball celebrates Dickens, 1842
Music
The B-52's play their first gig, 1977
Old West
First trainload of oranges leaves Los Angeles, 1886
Presidential
Theodore Roosevelt's wife and mother die, 1884
Sports
Olympic speed skater Jansen falls after sister dies, 1988
Vietnam War
Kennedy authorizes U.S. advisors to fire in self-defense, 1962
Gallup Poll released, 1970
World War I
Wilson presents draft covenant for League of Nations, 1919
World War II
Battle of the Kasserine Pass, 1943







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Thursday, February 13, 2014

Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.



If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
 then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!



If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.



And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
 so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.



When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory 

and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
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Morning Funnies









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Birthdays on February 13th

 
1938 - Oliver Reed
1923 - Chuck Yeager
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Todays Pic dump










 
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Blast from the past
 




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Afternoon Funnies







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Today in History

Lead Story
Galileo in Rome for Inquisition, 1633
American Revolution
Patrick Henry named colonel of First Virginia battalion, 1776
Automotive
Actor Mel Gibson completes DUI probation, 2008
Civil War
Unoin General John Rawlins born, 1831
Cold War
Chernenko becomes general secretary, 1984
Crime
Serial killer strikes in Colorado, 1982
Disaster
Cinema burns in Turin, 1983
General Interest
William and Mary proclaimed joint sovereigns of Britain, 1689
First Medal of Honor action, 1861
Dresden devastated, 1945
Hollywood
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon gets 10 Oscar nominations, 2001
Literary
Long-lost Twain manuscript authenticated, 1991
Music
ASCAP is founded, 1915
Old West
Ashley advertises for western fur trappers, 1822
Presidential
Teddy Roosevelt discusses America's race problem, 1905
Sports
Downhill skier Hermann Maier crashes in Olympics, 1998
Vietnam War
Johnson approves Operation Rolling Thunder, 1965
Additional troops ordered to South Vietnam, 1968
World War I
League of Nations recognizes perpetual Swiss neutrality, 1920
World War II
Firebombing of Dresden, 1945
 
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