Friday, June 28, 2013

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Company Policy:  Effective from July 1st, 2013
 
 Dress Code
 It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
 If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
 assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
 If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
 that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If
 you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
 you do not need a raise.
 Sick Days
 We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
 sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
 work.
 Personal Days
 Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
 Bereavement Leave
 This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
 for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made
 to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
 employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
 late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
 hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
 Toilet Use
 Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now
 a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
 stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
 After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the
 company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
 Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
 company's mental health policy.
 Lunch Break
 Skinny/Slim people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
 more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes
 for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
 Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
 time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
 
 Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
 a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
 concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
 insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
 and input should be directed elsewhere.
***************************************
                                      Morning Funnies
                                                                              








*****************************************************
Birthdays on June 28th

*****************************************************
Todays Pic dump









****************************************************
Blast from the past


( I always thought he was saying Reverend in Blue Jeans..)
**************************************************** 
Afternoon Funnies 








***************************************************
This day in History
Lead Story
Workers assemble first Corvette in Flint, Michigan, 1953
American Revolution
Former President James Madison dies, 1836
Automotive
DaimlerChrysler announces Smart's arrival in United States, 2006
Civil War
Confederates capture commercial ship, 1862
Cold War
Yugoslavia expelled from COMINFORM, 1948
Crime
A teenage girl's boyfriend murders her parents, 1975
A serial rapist strikes in Allentown, 1993
Disaster
Two big quakes rock California, 1992
General Interest
Charles elected Holy Roman emperor, 1519
Archduke Ferdinand assassinated, 1914
Keynes predicts economic chaos, 1919
The Stonewall Riot, 1969
Hollywood
Lasky Company merges with Famous Players, later to become Paramount, 1916
Literary
Robert Louis Stevenson sets sail for the South Seas, 1888
Music
Louis Armstrong records "West End Blues", 1928
Old West
Western writer Emerson Hough is born, 1857
Presidential
Harry S. Truman marries Bess Wallace, 1919
Sports
Mike Tyson bites ear, 1997
Vietnam War
U.S. forces launch first offensive, 1965
Nixon announces draftees will not go to Vietnam, 1972
World War I
Archduke Franz Ferdinand assassinated, 1914
World War II
Britain recognizes General Charles de Gaulle as the leader of the Free French, 1940
************************************************************************ 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Camping & Outdoors


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and  nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see". 
Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "My good Watson... someone has stolen our tent."

********************************************************************************

Morning Funnies










*****************************************************

Birthdays on June 27th
******************************************************

Todays Pic Dump 









*****************************************************

Blast from the Past


***********************************************
 Afternoon Funnies









*********************************************************************************
 Today in History

Lead Story
Truman orders U.S. forces to Korea, 1950
American Revolution
Schuyler dispatched to Ticonderoga and Crown Point, 1775
Automotive
Route 66 decertified, 1985
Civil War
Confederate and Union forces clash at the Battle of Kennesaw Mountain, 1864
Cold War
U.N. approves armed force to repel North Korea, 1950
Crime
Four-time thief escapes Baumes law, 1921
Disaster
Ebola breaks out in Sudan, 1976
General Interest
Smithson's curious bequest, 1829
Mormon leader killed by mob, 1844
First Newbery Medal for children's literature, 1922
Hollywood
“Frankly, My Dear…”, 1939
Literary
Alice McDermott's birthday, 1953
Music
Elvis Presley tapes his famous TV "comeback special", 1968
Old West
Buffalo hunters and Indians clash at Adobe Walls, 1874
Presidential
JFK visits Ireland, 1963
Sports
Tyson knocks out Spinks, 1988
Vietnam War
Kennedy appoints Lodge as ambassador, 1963
U.S. forces begin to evacuate Khe Sanh, 1968
World War I
Colonel House meets with British foreign secretary in London, 1914
World War II
Germans get Enigma, 1940
U.S. troops liberate Cherbourg, France, 1944
 
****************************************************** 

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

THE CHURCH AND THE MODERN WORLD


PASTOR: "Praise the Lord!"




CONGREGATION: "Hallelujah!"



PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their Tablet, PC, iPad,

 smart phone,and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13.
 And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon."

P-a-u-s-e......


"Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands. 

Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook,
 and chat with God."

S-i-l-e-n-c-e
"As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings,
 please have your credit and debit cards ready.
 You can log on to the church wi-fi
 using the password 'Lord909887. ' "
The ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines
 among the worshipers:

  • "Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers
  •  are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.
  • Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.
  • Those who prefer telephone banking,
  •  take out your cellphones to transfer 
  • your contributions to the church account."
The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified 
as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs 
and laptops beep and flicker!
Final Blessing and Closing Announcements...
  • This week's ministry cell meetings will be held
  •  on the various Facebook group pages
  •  where the usual group chatting takes place.
  •  Please log in and don't miss out.
  • Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype
  •  at 1900hrs GMT. 
  • Please don't miss out.
  • You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend
  •  for counseling and prayers.
  • God bless you and have nice day.

****************************************************
Morning Funnies



Red neck Sushi




****************************************************

Birthdays on June 25th
*******************************************************

Todays Funnies









****************************************************
Blast from the Past




 

*****************************************************
Afternoon funnies