Thursday, May 30, 2013

BE SURE BEFORE WORKING HARD

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along his route. No problems for the first few stops a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "Oh yeah? And why not?!"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story: Be sure there really is a problem before working hard to solve it

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Morning Pic Dump







What color do I do?




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Birthdays on May 30th
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Todays Pic Dump 
 







Call the ambulance in 3..2..1..


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Blast from the Past

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Afternoon Funnies 
 














 

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This Day in History
Joan of Arc martyred, 1431
American Revolution
Patriot and future President Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson, 1806
Automotive
First Indianapolis 500 held, 1911
Civil War
Confederates evacuate Corinth, Mississippi, 1862
Cold War
Gorbachev arrives in Washington for summit, 1990
Crime
Jonathan Levin is tortured and killed by his former student, 1997
Disaster
Waters of Kentucky River peak, 1927
General Interest
Andrew Jackson wins duel, 1806
Civil War dead honored on Decoration Day, 1868
Republic of Biafra proclaimed, 1967
Mariner 9 departs for Mars, 1971
Hollywood
Sex and the City movie released, 2008
Literary
Christopher Marlowe killed in tavern brawl, 1593
Music
Lesley Gore sings "It's My Party" on American Bandstand, 1963
Old West
Pearl Hart holds up an Arizona stagecoach, 1899
Presidential
Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson in duel, 1806
Former President Taft dedicates Lincoln Memorial, 1922
Sports
First Indianapolis 500 is run, 1911
Vietnam War
U.S. aircraft carry out new raids, 1966
Thieu vows never to agree to a coalition government, 1969
World War I
The First Balkan War ends, 1913
World War II
Brits bombard Cologne in Operation Millennium, 1942

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Grandma Goes to Court

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'


She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'


The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'


She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'


The defense attorney nearly died.


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'


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Morning Funnies












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Birthdays on May 21st


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Todays Pic Dump
  










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Blast from the Past


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This day in History

Lead Story
American Red Cross founded, 1881
American Revolution
Lenape Indians abduct Mary Campbell from western Pennsylvania, 1758
Automotive
Connecticut enacts first speed-limit law, 1901
Civil War
The Siege of Port Hudson begins, 1863
Cold War
Gorbachev consolidates power, 1988
Crime
Leopold and Loeb gain national attention, 1924
Long Island Lolita is arrested, 1992
A veteran's flashback defense doesn't hold up in court, 1996
Disaster
Huge earthquake hits Chile, 1960
General Interest
De Soto dies in the American wilderness, 1542
Lindbergh lands in Paris, 1927
Earhart completes transatlantic flight, 1932
Hollywood
Soap star Susan Lucci wins first Emmy after 19 nominations, 1999
Literary
Serialization of Colette's The Vagabond begins, 1910
Music
Chuck Berry records "Maybellene", 1955
Old West
Black Spanish explorer Estevan is reported killed, 1539
Presidential
Garfield's spine on display at museum, 2000
Sports
Nancy Lopez wins her first Coca-Cola Classic, 1978
Vietnam War
Military spokesman defends "Hamburger Hill", 1969
World War I
Second Moroccan Crisis, 1911
World War II
Nazis kill "unfit" people in East Prussia, 1940
Thousands of Jews die in Nazi gas chambers; IG Farber sets up factory, 1942


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