Monday, May 6, 2013

Weight Loss Plan


A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.


Morning Funnies


Birthdays on May 6th

Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past

Afternoon Funnies 


This day in History
English Channel tunnel opens, 1994
American Revolution
William Franklin warns Dartmouth of repercussions from Lexington and Concord, 1775
Harry Gant is oldest NASCAR winner -- again, 1991
Civil War
Grant and Lee continue fighting in the Wilderness, 1864
Cold War
Gorbachev reviews the Cold War, 1992
The theft of Duchess of Devonshire stirs interest, 1876
Hindenburg explodes in New Jersey, 1937
General Interest
The Hindenburg disaster, 1937
First four-minute mile, 1954
Final episode of Friends airs on NBC, 2004
John Steinbeck wins a Pulitzer for The Grapes of Wrath, 1940
Spinal Tap stages a "comeback" at CBGB's in New York City, 1984
Old West
Hangman George Maledon dies, 1911
FDR creates the WPA, 1933
Roger Bannister breaks four-minutes mile, 1954
Vietnam War
Students launch nationwide protest, 1970
South Vietnamese defenders hold on to An Loc, 1972
World War I
Second Battle of Krithia, Gallipoli, 1915
World War II
All American forces in the Philippines surrender unconditionally, 1942


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