Monday, August 26, 2013

Facts About Old Men and Women

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Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction. 

Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?
A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live. 

Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she's with child. 

Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles. 

Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is. 

Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage. 

Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon 

Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads. 

Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'


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Todays Pic Dump










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Birthdays on August 26th


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Blast from the Past

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This day in History
Lead Story
First televised Major League baseball game, 1939
American Revolution
Washington urges Hessians to desert, 1776
Automotive
Mini makes its debut, 1959
Civil War
Second Bull Run campaign begins, 1862
Cold War
Russia tests an intercontinental ballistic missile, 1957
Crime
"Preppy Murder" stuns New York, 1986
Disaster
NYC and Philly sizzle in heat wave, 1948
General Interest
Battle of Crecy, 1346
19th Amendment adopted, 1920
Democratic convention besieged by protesters, 1968
Charles Lindbergh dies, 1974
Hollywood
Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin born, 1980
Literary
Ralph Waldo Emerson meets Thomas Carlyle, 1838
Music
Grease movie soundtrack earns its second #1 hit, 1978
Old West
Lewis and Clark promote Patrick Gass to sergeant, 1804
Presidential
George Washington writes to Henry Lee, 1794
Sports
Lights, cameras, baseball, 1939
Vietnam War
Johnson receives Democratic nomination for president, 1964
Major George E. Day shot down over North Vietnam, 1967
Democratic National Convention opens in Chicago, 1968
World War I
Battle of Tannenberg begins, 1914
World War II
DeGaulle enters a free Paris, 1944


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Friday, August 16, 2013

Seniors have their own texting codes:


Young people have theirs,
now Seniors have their own texting codes:


* ATD- At the Doctor's


* BFF - Best Friends Funeral


* BTW- Bring the Wheelchair


* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth


* CBM- Covered by Medicare


* CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center


* DWI- Driving While Incontinent


* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was


* GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low


* GHA - Got Heartburn Again


* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement


* LMDO- Laughing My Dentures Out


* LOL- Living on Lipitor


* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas


* TOT- Texting on Toilet


* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

 Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
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Morning funnies










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Birthdays on August 16th


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Todays Pic Dump









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Blast from the Past

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Afternoon Funnies









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This day in History

Lead Story
Gold discovered in the Yukon, 1896
American Revolution
Continentals routed at Camden, South Carolina, 1780
Automotive
Los Angeles jury clears John Z. DeLorean of drug charges, 1984
Civil War
Confederate General John Chambliss is killed, 1864
Cold War
Paul Robeson loses appeal over his passport, 1955
Crime
Auto exec DeLorean cleared in drug-trafficking case, 1984
Disaster
Plane crashes into highway, 1987
General Interest
Detroit surrenders without a fight, 1812
Babe Ruth dies, 1948
Moroccan king survives attack by own air force, 1972
Elvis Presley dies, 1977
Hollywood
Madonna born, 1958
Literary
Poet Charles Bukowski is born, 1920
Music
The Ramones play their first public gig at CBGB's in downtown Manhattan, 1974
Old West
George Carmack discovers Klondike gold, 1896
Presidential
Tyler is burned in effigy outside White House, 1841
Sports
Batter sustains fatal injury at plate, 1920
Vietnam War
General Khanh ousts General Minh as chief of state, 1964
Congress investigates antiwar demonstrators, 1966
Tonkin Gulf Resolution challenged, 1967
Heavy air attacks on North Vietnam, 1972
World War I
Battle of Langemarck, 1917
World War II
Senior U.S. POW is released, 1945

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