Monday, April 29, 2013

the new salesman


A young guy from Michigan moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Michigan."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales from 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in Michigan, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife,
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"  
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Morning funnies














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Birthdays on April 29th

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Todays Funnies 
  













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Blast from the Past

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This day in History


Lead Story
World War II monument opens in Washington, D.C., 2004
American Revolution
Nathanael Greene takes command of Long Island, 1776
Automotive
The end of the road for Oldsmobile, 2004
Civil War
Union captures New Orleans, 1862
Cold War
American statesmen deny Lattimore's influence, 1950
Crime
Rodney King trial verdict announced, 1992
Disaster
Cyclone kills 135,000 in Bangladesh, 1991
General Interest
Joan of Arc relieves Orleans, 1429
First African-American college chartered, 1854
Dachau liberated, 1945
Riots erupt in Los Angeles, 1992
Britain's Prince William weds Kate Middleton, 2011
Hollywood
Daniel Day-Lewis born, 1957
Literary
Henry James' Transatlantic Sketches is published, 1875
Music
Hair premieres on Broadway, 1968
Old West
William Randolph Hearst is born, 1863
Presidential
Nixon announces release of White House Watergate tapes, 1974
Sports
Roger Clemens strikes out 20 batters in single game, 1986
Vietnam War
U.S.-South Vietnamese forces launch Cambodian "incursion", 1970
New casualty figures released., 1971
Operation Frequent Wind begins, 1975
World War I
British forces surrender at Kut, Mesopotamia, 1916
World War II
Adolf and Eva marry, 1945
International Military Tribunal indicts Hideki, 1946
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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Bring My Red Shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. This time, the Captain and his crew repelled both pirate ships, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?”
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,
“Bring me my brown pants!”

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Morning funnies








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Birthdays on April 25th
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Todays Pic Dump





 







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Blast from the Past

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This day in History


Andropov writes to U.S. student, 1983
American Revolution
Cornwallis retreats from Guilford Courthouse, 1781
Automotive
Italian Formula One driver dies in crash, 2001
Civil War
Confederates overwhelm Union at Marks' Mills, 1864
Cold War
Andropov writes to an American fifth-grader, 1983
Crime
A father is exonerated after 21 years, 1989
Disaster
Air tragedy hits Canary Islands, 1980
General Interest
Ground broken for Suez Canal, 1859
Space telescope in orbit, 1990
Hollywood
Ginger Rogers dies, 1995
Literary
Robinson Crusoe is published, 1719
Music
Ella Fitzgerald is born, 1917
Old West
A play lionizing Davy Crockett opens, 1831
Presidential
Truman inaugurates White House bowling alley, 1947
Sports
Maple Leafs win third Stanley Cup in a row, 1964
Vietnam War
Johnson announces appointment of Westmoreland, 1964
North Vietnamese Army close to cutting South Vietnam in two, 1972
World War I
Allies begin invasion of Gallipoli, 1915
World War II
Americans and Russians link up, cut Germany in two, 1945
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