Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Husbands and Wives


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor...
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
Then he addressed Tom, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Lying in the hospital bed, a dying man began to flail about and make motions as if he would like to speak. The priest, keeping watch at the side of his bed, leaned quietly over and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?"
The man nodded to the affirmative, and the priest handed him a pad and pen.
"I know you can't speak, but use this to write a note and I will give it to your wife. She's waiting just outside."
Gathering his last bit of strength, the man took them and scrawled his message upon the pad which he stuffed into the priest's hands. Then, moments later, the man died.
After administering the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the wife. After consoling her a bit, the priest handed her the note. "Here were his last words. Just before passing on, he wrote this message to you."
The wife tearfully opened the note which read: "GET OFF MY OXYGEN HOSE!!"

Morning Funnies

 What I look like with a beard

 What the other guys look like


Birthdays on April 10th
 1778 - William Hazlitt
1954 - Anne Lamott
1941 - Paul Theroux
1936 - John Madden
1984 - Mandy Moore

Todays Pic Dump

Blast from the Past


Afternoon Funnies

This day in History

Lead Story
ASPCA is founded, 1866
American Revolution
John Paul Jones sets out to raid British ships, 1778
Hertz rental car founder born, 1879
Civil War
General Lee gives final address to troops, 1865
Cold War
U.S. table tennis team visits communist China, 1971
A torture chamber is uncovered by arson, 1834
Atomic submarine sinks in Atlantic, 1963
General Interest
Zapata assassinated in Mexico, 1919
Bataan Death March begins, 1942
Chaplin receives Oscar, 1972
First color 3-D film opens, 1953
The Gift of the Magi is published, 1906
Paul McCartney announces the breakup of the Beatles, 1970
Old West
Civilian Conservation Corps created, 1933
FDR creates Civilian Conservation Corps, 1933
Tiger Woods wins fourth Masters, 2005
Vietnam War
Poll reveals that public approval of Vietnam policy is down, 1970
B-52s begin bombing North Vietnam, 1972
World War I
Congress of Oppressed Nationalities closes in Rome, 1918
World War II
Croatia declares independence, 1941

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