Friday, April 5, 2013

Only a true Southerner


Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.


Morning Pic Dump


Birthdays on April 5th


Todays Pic Dump

Blast from the Past

Afternoon Funnies


This day in History

Lead Story
Pocahontas marries John Rolfe, 1614
American Revolution
Benjamin Franklin publishes "An Open Letter to Lord North", 1774
NASCAR legend Lee Petty dies, 2000
Civil War
Siege of Yorktown begins, 1862
Cold War
Rosenbergs sentenced to death for spying, 1951
Kurt Cobain commits suicide, 1994
Tornadoes devastate Tupelo and Gainesville, 1936
General Interest
Rosenbergs sentenced to die, 1951
Winston Churchill resigns, 1955
Abortion rights advocates march on Washington, 1992
Charlton Heston dies, 2008
Darwin sends first three chapters of The Origin of Species to his publisher, 1859
James Brown calms Boston following the King assassination, 1968
Old West
Howard Hughes dies, 1976
Washington exercises first presidential veto, 1792
Abdul-Jabbar breaks points record, 1984
Vietnam War
Antiwar demonstrations held across United States, 1969
North Vietnamese launch second front of Nguyen Hue Offensive, 1972
World War I
First stage of German spring offensive ends, 1918
World War II
Tito signs "friendship treaty" with Soviet Union, 1945


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