Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Grandma Goes to Court


Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'


Morning Funnies


Birthdays on May 21st


Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past




This day in History

Lead Story
American Red Cross founded, 1881
American Revolution
Lenape Indians abduct Mary Campbell from western Pennsylvania, 1758
Connecticut enacts first speed-limit law, 1901
Civil War
The Siege of Port Hudson begins, 1863
Cold War
Gorbachev consolidates power, 1988
Leopold and Loeb gain national attention, 1924
Long Island Lolita is arrested, 1992
A veteran's flashback defense doesn't hold up in court, 1996
Huge earthquake hits Chile, 1960
General Interest
De Soto dies in the American wilderness, 1542
Lindbergh lands in Paris, 1927
Earhart completes transatlantic flight, 1932
Soap star Susan Lucci wins first Emmy after 19 nominations, 1999
Serialization of Colette's The Vagabond begins, 1910
Chuck Berry records "Maybellene", 1955
Old West
Black Spanish explorer Estevan is reported killed, 1539
Garfield's spine on display at museum, 2000
Nancy Lopez wins her first Coca-Cola Classic, 1978
Vietnam War
Military spokesman defends "Hamburger Hill", 1969
World War I
Second Moroccan Crisis, 1911
World War II
Nazis kill "unfit" people in East Prussia, 1940
Thousands of Jews die in Nazi gas chambers; IG Farber sets up factory, 1942


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