Grandma Goes to Court

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

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Morning Funnies

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Birthdays on May 21st

1688 - Alexander Pope
1977 - Ricky Williams
1951 - Al Franken
1930 - Malcolm Fraser
1926 - Robert Creeley

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Todays Pic Dump

  

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Blast from the Past

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This day in History

Lead Story

American Red Cross founded, 1881

American Revolution

Lenape Indians abduct Mary Campbell from western Pennsylvania, 1758

Automotive

Connecticut enacts first speed-limit law, 1901

Civil War

The Siege of Port Hudson begins, 1863

Cold War

Gorbachev consolidates power, 1988

Crime

Leopold and Loeb gain national attention, 1924

Long Island Lolita is arrested, 1992

A veteran's flashback defense doesn't hold up in court, 1996

Disaster

Huge earthquake hits Chile, 1960

General Interest

De Soto dies in the American wilderness, 1542

Lindbergh lands in Paris, 1927

Earhart completes transatlantic flight, 1932

Hollywood

Soap star Susan Lucci wins first Emmy after 19 nominations, 1999

Literary

Serialization of Colette's The Vagabond begins, 1910

Music

Chuck Berry records "Maybellene", 1955

Old West

Black Spanish explorer Estevan is reported killed, 1539

Presidential

Garfield's spine on display at museum, 2000

Sports

Nancy Lopez wins her first Coca-Cola Classic, 1978

Vietnam War

Military spokesman defends "Hamburger Hill", 1969

World War I

Second Moroccan Crisis, 1911

World War II

Nazis kill "unfit" people in East Prussia, 1940

Thousands of Jews die in Nazi gas chambers; IG Farber sets up factory, 1942

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