Thursday, May 9, 2013

Men Vs Woman Joke

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.’
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


Morning Funnies


Birthdays on May 9th


Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past



This day in History

Lead Story
L. Ron Hubbard publishes Dianetics, 1950
American Revolution
Patriot politician and composer Francis Hopkinson dies, 1791
"Speed Racer" movie released, 2008
Civil War
Union troops take Snake Creek Gap, Georgia, 1864
Cold War
West Germany joins NATO, 1955
Cunanan continues murder spree, 1997
Soccer fans trampled in Ghana, 2001
General Interest
Captain Blood steals crown jewels, 1671
Byrd flies over the North Pole?, 1926
FDA approves the pill, 1960
Aldo Moro found dead, 1978
Former POW is ambassador to Vietnam, 1997
Last Honeymooners episode airs, 1971
James Barrie is born, 1860
An unlikely challenger ends the Beatles' reign atop the U.S. pop charts, 1964
Old West
Buffalo Bill's Wild West show opens, 1887
Woodrow Wilson proclaims the first Mother's Day holiday, 1914
Johnny Bench hits three home runs off Steve Carlton, 1973
Vietnam War
Reporter breaks the news of secret bombing in Cambodia, 1969
Demonstrations held in Washington, 1970
House votes to initiate impeachment proceedings, 1974
World War I
Allies launch dual offensive on Western Front, 1915
World War II
Herman Goering is captured by the U.S. Seventh Army, 1945

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