Old Guys Rule: IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Company Policy: Effective from July 1st, 2013

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If
you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore
you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made
to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now
a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny/Slim people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes
for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
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Morning Funnies