Thursday, July 25, 2013

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Morning Pic Dump

Birthdays on July 25th 

Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past

Afternoon funnies

This day in History
Lead Story
World's first "test tube baby" born, 1978
American Revolution
General Gates takes command of the southern army, 1780
Henry Ford writes fan letter to Mahatma Gandhi, 1941
Civil War
Congress passes Crittenden-Johnson Resolution, 1861
Cold War
The Nixon Doctrine is announced, 1969
Head of frontier bandit placed on display, 1853
A young man turns the death of his parents into a game, 1988
Concorde jet crashes, 2000
General Interest
The first railroad accident, 1832
Puerto Rico invaded, 1898
Ships collide off Nantucket, 1956
Dylan appears at Newport Folk Fest, 1965
Rock Hudson announces he has AIDS, 1985
Jack London sails for the Klondike, 1897
Dylan goes electric at the Newport Folk Festival, 1965
Old West
California Rangers kill Joaquin Murrieta, 1853
Truman drops hint to Stalin about a terrible new weapon, 1945
Opening of the XXV Olympiad in Barcelona, 1992
Vietnam War
Joint Chiefs propose air strikes, 1964
Nixon announces new doctrine, 1969
World War I
Mata Hari sentenced to die, 1917
World War II
Mussolini falls from power, 1943

No comments:

Post a Comment