Friday, August 17, 2012

It's tough to get old

An elderly gentleman had suffered from serious hearing problems for a
number of years. He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor, and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations.  I've changed my will three times!"


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turned to the other, and said, "Slim, I'm 83 years
old now, and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.
How do you feel?"

Slim said, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a new-born baby?"

"Yep.  No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great.  I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love?  You know... the one that's red
and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.  He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman --
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown."



Morning Pic Dump

Punctuation is everything


Birthdays on August 17th
1970 - Jim Courier
1943 - Robert De Niro
1892 - Mae West
1882 - Samuel Goldwyn
1786 - Davy Crockett


Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past


Afternoon Funnies  


Todays Quote

Birthday Boy
Davy Crockett

Be always sure you are right - then go ahead.
Davy Crockett

Fame is like a shaved pig with a greased tail, and it is only after it has slipped through the hands of some thousands, that some fellow, by mere chance, holds on to it!
Davy Crockett

Heaven knows that I have done all that a mortal could do, to save the people, and the failure was not my fault, but the fault of others.
Davy Crockett

I have always supported measures and principles and not men.
Davy Crockett

I have suffered my self to be politically sacrificed to save my country from ruin and disgrace and if I am never a gain elected I will have the gratification to know that I have done my duty.
Davy Crockett

I would rather be beaten, and be a man, than to be elected and be a little puppy dog.
Davy Crockett

I would rather be politically dead than hypocritically immortalized.
Davy Crockett

If one man in the country could take all the money, what was the use of passing any bills about it?
Davy Crockett

It was expected of me that I was to bow to the name of Andrew Jackson... even at the expense of my conscience and judgement. such a thing was new to me, and a total stranger to my principles.
Davy Crockett

Let your tongue speak what your heart thinks.
Davy Crockett

Look at my arms, you will find no party hand-cuff on them.
Davy Crockett

The enemy fought with savage fury, and met death with all its horrors, without shrinking or complaining: not one asked to be spared, but fought as long as they could stand or sit.
Davy Crockett

The party in power, like Jonah's gourd, grew up quickly, and will quickly fall.
Davy Crockett

Throughout the day no time for memorandums now. Go ahead! Liberty and independence forever.
Davy Crockett

We have the right as individuals to give away as much of our own money as we please in charity; but as members of Congress we have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money.
Davy Crockett

We must not permit our respect for the dead or our sympathy for the living to lead us into an act of injustice to the balance of the living.
Davy Crockett

You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas.
Davy Crockett
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