Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Jokes, Jokes and more jokes

When I worked as cashier in the Kroger store many years ago,
 I noticed a sexy little blonde who dashed into the store to pick up just a couple items.
She marched right to my Express Checkout Lane.
 I was on the phone at the time, doing a price check.
In a huff, the blonde said,
 "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out?"
I looked her up and down, and said,
 "Hmmm. You look pretty good to me!"
She seemed to be rather torn between throwing stuff at me
and smiling over the compliment!

 Scary news from California!
In the wake of Bin Laden’s death, Radical Muslims
 are planning to go on a rampage in Southern California,
 from Los Angeles south to the Mexican border,
 killing anyone who is a legal US citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 23.
We will keep you posted on future developments.
Currently Santaco (Qantas's new Indian budget Airline)
 are only flying between Mumbai and Christmas Island,
 but hope to introduce further services to Australia later this year.
CASA say they will be trying to stop the planes
as they are unsure about their airworthiness.
Spokesmen for both Jetstar and Virgin
 said that they will not be beaten on price.
A spacious Business Class is on the upper deck. (See below)

Airplane makes urgent call to the control tower

A control tower received the urgent radio message: “One engine is dead.  Gasoline is leaking. One of my wing flaps is broken.  My oil pressure is near zero.  What should I do?”
The response: “Repeat after me, ‘Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name ...’

College Student writes home for money

Correspondence from son away at college to his father:
Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Your $on.
After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Todays Oldie but goodie 

Red Skelton

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Red Skelton

Congress: Bingo with billions.
Red Skelton

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
Red Skelton

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
Red Skelton

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
Red Skelton

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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
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