Friday, October 26, 2012

Redneck Tips

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.


1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.


1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the matter how good his manners are.


1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.


1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.


1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. 


Morning Pic Dump


Birthdays on October 26th
Todays Pic Dump
Horror Movies for Pets

Blast from the Past


Afternoon Funnies


Today in History

Lead Story
Shootout at the OK Corral, 1881
American Revolution
Benjamin Franklin sets sail for France, 1776
"Outlaw" Sammy Swindell is born, 1955
Civil War
Rebel guerilla leader "Bloody Bill" Anderson is killed, 1864
Cold War
Diem declares himself premier of Republic of Vietnam, 1955
An abused wife gets revenge, 1948
An Ozzy Osbourne fan commits suicide, 1984
Hurricane Mitch slams into Central America, 1998
General Interest
Erie Canal opens, 1825
Battle of Leyte Gulf ends, 1944
Infant receives baboon heart, 1984
Wheel of Fortune’s Pat Sajak born, 1946
Henry James and Edith Wharton begin corresponding, 1900
Whitney Houston earns her first #1 hit with "Saving All My Love For You", 1985
Old West
The Earps shoot it out at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona, 1881
George W. Bush signs the Patriot Act, 2001
Buckner lets ground ball roll through his legs, 1986
Vietnam War
Diem wins referendum in South Vietnam, 1955
Fire breaks out on U.S. aircraft carrier, 1966
Big battle begins in Tay Ninh Province, 1968
World War I
Brazil declares war on Germany , 1917
World War II
The United States loses the Hornet, 1942

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