Monday, October 29, 2012

Euro English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 fewer letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!


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 Blast from the Past

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Today in History

John Glenn returns to space, 1998
American Revolution
Hancock resigns as president of Congress, 1777
Guitarist Duane Allman dies in motorcycle accident, 1971
Civil War
The Battle of Wauhatchie concludes, 1863
Cold War
Israel invades Egypt; Suez Crisis begins, 1956
Dominick Dunne, chronicler of high-profile crimes, is born, 1925
Killer smog claims elderly victims, 1948
General Interest
Sir Walter Raleigh executed, 1618
Stock market crashes, 1929
Richard Dreyfuss born, 1947
James Boswell is born, 1740
"96 Tears" becomes a #1 hit for the enigmatic and influential ? and the Mysterians, 1966
Old West
The first store opens in the frontier town of Denver, Colorado, 1858
McKinley assassin is executed, 1901
Sandy Saddler beats Willie Pep for the first time, 1948
Vietnam War
Bobby Seale gagged during his trial, 1969
U.S. troop strength reaches five-year low, 1971
World War I
Jane Addams writes to Woodrow Wilson about dangers of preparing for war, 1915
World War II
The British protest against the persecution of Jews, 1942

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  1. thank you for doing what you do! makes me laugh every time

  2. thank you for your kind words...Keep on laughing