Euro English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 fewer letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

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Morning Pic Dump

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Birthdays on October 29th

1882 - Jean Giraudoux
1971 - Winona Ryder
1740 - James Boswell
1957 - Dan Castellaneta
1981 - Amanda Beard

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Todays Pic Dump

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 Blast from the Past
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Afternoon Funnies

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Today in History

John Glenn returns to space, 1998

American Revolution

Hancock resigns as president of Congress, 1777

Automotive

Guitarist Duane Allman dies in motorcycle accident, 1971

Civil War

The Battle of Wauhatchie concludes, 1863

Cold War

Israel invades Egypt; Suez Crisis begins, 1956

Crime

Dominick Dunne, chronicler of high-profile crimes, is born, 1925

Disaster

Killer smog claims elderly victims, 1948

General Interest

Sir Walter Raleigh executed, 1618

Stock market crashes, 1929

Hollywood

Richard Dreyfuss born, 1947

Literary

James Boswell is born, 1740

Music

"96 Tears" becomes a #1 hit for the enigmatic and influential ? and the Mysterians, 1966

Old West

The first store opens in the frontier town of Denver, Colorado, 1858

Presidential

McKinley assassin is executed, 1901

Sports

Sandy Saddler beats Willie Pep for the first time, 1948

Vietnam War

Bobby Seale gagged during his trial, 1969

U.S. troop strength reaches five-year low, 1971

World War I

Jane Addams writes to Woodrow Wilson about dangers of preparing for war, 1915

World War II

The British protest against the persecution of Jews, 1942

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