Old Guys Rule: May 2013

Thursday, May 30, 2013

BE SURE BEFORE WORKING HARD

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along his route. No problems for the first few stops a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "Oh yeah? And why not?!"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story: Be sure there really is a problem before working hard to solve it

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Morning Pic Dump

What color do I do?

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Birthdays on May 30th

1953 - Kim Weston
1964 - Wynonna Judd
1966 - Stephen Malkmus
1909 - Benny Goodman
1943 - Gale Sayers

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Todays Pic Dump

Call the ambulance in 3..2..1..

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Blast from the Past

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Afternoon Funnies

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This Day in History

Joan of Arc martyred, 1431
American Revolution: Patriot and future President Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson, 1806
Automotive: First Indianapolis 500 held, 1911
Civil War: Confederates evacuate Corinth, Mississippi, 1862
Cold War: Gorbachev arrives in Washington for summit, 1990
Crime: Jonathan Levin is tortured and killed by his former student, 1997
Disaster: Waters of Kentucky River peak, 1927
General Interest: Andrew Jackson wins duel, 1806; Civil War dead honored on Decoration Day, 1868; Republic of Biafra proclaimed, 1967; Mariner 9 departs for Mars, 1971
Hollywood: Sex and the City movie released, 2008
Literary: Christopher Marlowe killed in tavern brawl, 1593
Music: Lesley Gore sings "It's My Party" on American Bandstand, 1963
Old West: Pearl Hart holds up an Arizona stagecoach, 1899
Presidential: Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson in duel, 1806; Former President Taft dedicates Lincoln Memorial, 1922
Sports: First Indianapolis 500 is run, 1911
Vietnam War: U.S. aircraft carry out new raids, 1966; Thieu vows never to agree to a coalition government, 1969
World War I: The First Balkan War ends, 1913
World War II: Brits bombard Cologne in Operation Millennium, 1942

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Grandma Goes to Court

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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

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Morning Funnies