Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Name Puns

1. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
2. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
3. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
4. If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
5. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (Hey! Now everything is possible!) he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
6. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
7. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
8. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
9. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
10. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
11. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
12. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
13. Nog (Quark's nephew on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.
14. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
15. If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.
16. If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.
17. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
18. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
19. If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy."


Morning Pic Dump


Birthdays on February 12th


Todays Pic Dump


Blast from the Past


Afternoon Funnies


This day in History

Lead Story
Milosevic goes on trial for war crimes, 2002
American Revolution
Ethan Allen dies, 1789
GM reports record loss, offers buyouts to 74,000 workers, 2008
Civil War
Rebel General Robert Ransom is born, 1828
Cold War
Russian ships bump U.S. destroyer and cruiser, 1988
Actor Sal Mineo is killed in Hollywood, 1976
Iranian jet slams into mountain, 2002
General Interest
Congress enacts first fugitive slave law, 1793
Garnet preaches to House on slavery and Civil War, 1865
Last emperor of China abdicates, 1912
Scharansky released, 1986
President Clinton acquitted, 1999
Writers’ strike ends after 100 days, 2008
Judy Blume, popular young-adult author, is born, 1938
Rhapsody In Blue, by George Gershwin, performed for first time, 1924
Old West
Lorne Greene is born, 1915
Abraham Lincoln is born, 1809
Basketball great Bill Russell born, 1934
Vietnam War
Cambodians launch attack to retake Angkor Wat, 1972
Release of U.S. POWs begins, 1973
World War I
British planes raid Belgian coast, 1915
American schooner Lyman M. Law is sunk, 1917
World War II
Rommel in Africa, 1941
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