Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Great Truths of Age


1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


Morning Pic Dump 

Birthdays on March26th
Todays Pic Dump

Blast from the Past
Afternoon Funnies


This day in History
Lead Story
Israel-Egyptian peace agreement signed, 1979
American Revolution
South Carolina approves new constitution, 1776
Ford sells Jaguar and Land Rover to India's Tata, 2008
Civil War
McPherson takes over the Union Army of the Tennessee, 1864
Cold War
McCarthy charges that Owen Lattimore is a Soviet spy, 1950
Torture chamber uncovered in Philadelphia, 1987
Deadly earthquake hits California, 1872
General Interest
Salk announces polio vaccine, 1953
Heaven's Gate cult members found dead, 1997
American Beauty tops Academy Awards, 2000
F. Scott Fitzgerald's first novel published, 1920
"Black" music gets whitewashed, as Georgia Gibbs hits the pop charts with "The Wallflower (Dance With Me, Henry)", 1955
Old West
The steamboat Yellowstone heads for Montana, 1832
Jefferson presented with a "mammoth loaf" of bread, 1804
Michigan State defeats Indiana State in NCAA championship, 1979
Vietnam War
Antiwar demonstration in Washington, 1969
Hue falls to the communists, 1975
World War I
First Battle of Gaza, 1917
World War II
Naval warfare gets new weapon, 1941


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