Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Wisconsin Farmer and "Bessie"

A Wisconsin farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus:

'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"

Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road.... '

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie’s answer and said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.

By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat,, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot vud you say?'
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This day in History

Lead Story
Nuclear accident at Three Mile Island, 1979
American Revolution
British Parliament adopts the Coercive Acts, 1774
Land cleared for Ford's Willow Run plant, 1941
Civil War
Yankess turn back Rebels at the Battle of Glorieta Pass, 1862
Cold War
Acheson-Lilienthal Report released, 1946
Funeral held for the man behind the guillotine, 1814
Duke lacrosse team suspended following sexual assault allegations, 2006
Reactor overheats at Three Mile Island, 1979
General Interest
Spanish Civil War ends, 1939
Eisenhower dies, 1969
Fairbanks and Pickford marry, 1920
Mario Vargas Llosa, Peruvian novelist, is born, 1936
W.C. Handy—the "Father of the Blues"—dies, 1958
Old West
De Anza founds San Francisco, 1776
Congress censures Jackson, 1834
Baltimore Colts move to Indianapolis, 1984
Vietnam War
Diem's popular support questioned, 1961
American pacifists arrive in Haiphong, 1967
World War I
First American citizen killed during WWI, 1915
World War II
Cunningham leads fateful British strike at Italians, 1941

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