Pushy Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ''Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.''

The old lady stepped back and said, ''Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning! 

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Morning Pic Dump

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Birthdays on May 23rd
 1966 - Helena Bonham Carter
1961 - Drew Carey
1933 - Joan Collins
1910 - Artie Shaw
1799 - Thomas Hood

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Todays Pic Dump

  

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Blast from the Past

  

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Afternoon Funnies

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Todays Quote

Birthday Boy

Drew Carey

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.
Drew Carey

But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
Drew Carey

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.
Drew Carey

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.
Drew Carey

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.
Drew Carey

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
Drew Carey


I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.
Drew Carey

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
Drew Carey

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?
Drew Carey

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.
Drew Carey

I'm competitive at everything.
Drew Carey

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.
Drew Carey


Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.
Drew Carey

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.
Drew Carey

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.
Drew Carey

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
Drew Carey

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Drew Carey

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.
Drew Carey

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.
Drew Carey

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.
Drew Carey

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