If Santa replied to his letters

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love, Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

---

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Dear Santa,

I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love, Michelle

Dear Michelle,

It blows my  mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.

-Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who l names their kid "Francis" anyways?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to make me happy? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time Drinking, and losing all my cash at the craps table.Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping yourhouse...

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that  doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.

Santa

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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your butt whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

SweetDreams!

Santa

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Christmas Cartoons

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Birthdays on December 19, 2011

1963 - Jennifer Beals
1960 - Daryl Hannah
1946 - Marianne Faithfull

1933- Cicely Tyson
1910 - Jean Genet
1902 - Ralph Richardson

Todays Christmas clip

Home Alone 2: Pipe Trap

It was the day after Christmas.

The lawyer had gone out for the day,

so the burglar, noticing this,

broke into his house and stole all his Christmas gifts.
He was almost out of the house when a police officer

pulled up to the house and promptly apprehended the man.
"You can't arrest me!" the man exclaimed.
"Buddy," the cop said,

"I just caught you breaking and entering, red-handed!"
The man replied,

"But the law says I have a right to the presents of an attorney!"

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Whatever Happened to the Kids from ‘A Christmas Story’? [PHOTOS]

 

MGM

When it was released in 1983, ‘A Christmas Story’ was only a modest success. However, over the years, constant television airings of the movie during the holiday season has made Ralphie Parker and the gang almost as synonymous with Christmas as the characters in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’
Although they remain ageless on the small screen, the kids from Hohman, Indiana are now middle-aged men in real life. See what they are up to below.

Peter Billingsley, Ralphie

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/ Frederick H. Brown, Getty Images

Then: Peter Billingsley played Ralphie Parker, ‘A Christmas Story”s Red Ryder BB gun-pining protagonist.

Now: Although Billingsley, 40, still occasionally acts, he is best known for his behind-the-camera collaborations with his good buddies Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. He recently directed the pair in ‘Couples Retreat,” and produced such movies as ‘Iron Man’ and ‘The Break Up.’ And he has yet to shoot his eye out with any BB guns.

Scott Schwartz, Flick

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Jason Merritt, Getty Images

Then: Scott Schwartz played Flick, who was goaded into licking a frozen flag poll in ‘A Christmas Story”s most memorable scene. He also starred in ‘The Toy,’ as a spoiled rich kid who keeps Richard Pryor as his personal manservant. The ’80s were a different time, folks.
Now: Schwartz, 43, managed adult film actors for a while, even starring in the unfortunately-titled ”Scotty’s X-Rated Adventure.’ These days he appears in the odd direct-to-video movie and works at his father’s business, Baseball Cards & Movie Collectables Etc. in Westlake Village, California.

Ian Petrella, Randy

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Facebook

Then: Ian Petrella played Ralphie’s little brother, Randy.
Now: Petrella, 37, become a puppeteer and an animator after his career as a child actor.  He’s also served as a special tour guide for The Christmas Story House and Museum in Cleveland, Ohio.

R.D. Robb, Schwartz

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Frazer Harrison, Getty Images

Then: R.D. Robb’s role as Schwartz, one of Ralphie’s friends in ‘A Christmas Story,’ was his acting debut.

Now:After a spotty acting career Robb, 39, turned to producing. He also directed Leonardo DiCaprio, Kevin Connolly and Tobey Maguire in the 1995 short film ‘Don’s Plum,’ which DiCaprio and Maguire sued to prevent the release of in North America.

Yano Anaya, Grover Dill

MGM/MySpace

Then: Yano Anaya played Grover Dill, sidekick to school yard bully Scut Farcus, and tormentor of Ralphie in ‘A Christmas Story.’
Now: Anaya also had a memorable role as the paperboy in ‘Better Off Dead,’ but quit acting soon after that. In 2010, he was working at Cupcakes and Milkshakes, a bakery and milkshake bar in Bethel, Connecticut. No word on whether he still shakes down customers for his “two dollars.”

Zack Ward, Scut Farcus

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Toby Canham

Then: Zack Ward was the notorious bully Scut Farcus in ‘A Christmas Story.’
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-

I went to my friend's house recently

and noticed that his Christmas tree

was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top

.I asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?"

Puzzled, he looked at me and said,

"What do you mean?

It's a cartridge in abare tree."

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Todays Quote

Birthday Girl Cicely Tyson

Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They're what make the instrument stretch-what make you go beyond the norm.
Cicely Tyson

I don't condemn anyone for making their choices. If someone chooses those roles, fine. But not for me. When someone stops me and says, You're the reason I became an actress, that lets me know I made the right decision.
Cicely Tyson

I think when you begin to think of yourself as having achieved something, then there's nothing left for you to work towards. I want to believe that there is a mountain so high that I will spend my entire life striving to reach the top of it.
Cicely Tyson

I was in California when this journalist made a blanket statement about the fact that she did not think that black men and women had the kind of love relationship that Rebecca and Nathan had in Sounder.
Cicely Tyson

In my early years, there were a number of experiences that made me decide I could not afford the luxury of just being an actress. There were a number of issues I wanted to address. And I wanted to use my career as a platform.
Cicely Tyson

We have to support our own films. If we don't, how can we expect others to support them?
Cicely Tyson

When I attack a role, be it TV, film or stage, the first thing I say is, I don't want to know anything. If it's good I don't want to hear it; if it's bad I don't want to hear it. The only thing either thing can do is distract me. I like to stay focused.
Cicely Tyson

When I told my mother that I wanted to be an actress, she said, you can't live here and do that, and so I moved out. I was determined to prove her wrong because she was so sure that I was going to go astray. And that's the juice that kept me going.
Cicely Tyson

You never know what motivates you.
Cicely Tyson  

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