10 Step Guide For The Do-It-Yourself Handyman

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can...many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
5. If it's electronic, get a new one...or consult a twelve year old.
6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it.
7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
9. If something looks level, it is level.
10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 

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Pic Dump

 

Birthdays on January 20

1946 - David Lynch
1930 - Buzz Aldrin
1928 - Martin Landau
1920 - DeForest Kelley
1896 - George Burns

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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
 
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
 
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Blast from the Past

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Leftovers

That awkward moment when the teacher ask you to empty your pockets

Todays quotes

Birthday Girl 

Patricia Neal

A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.
Patricia Neal

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
Patricia Neal

I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not that blonde.
Patricia Neal

When you call upon a Thoroughbred, he gives you all the speed, strength of heart and sinew in him. When you call on a jackass, he kicks.
Patricia Neal

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