Things my Mother taught me....

1.    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.  My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because,  I  said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8..  My mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE..
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My  mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: 

25  My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

******************************************************

Pic Dump

Stairway To Heaven

Good Idea

********************************************************

Birthdays on January 13th

  1977 - Orlando Bloom
1961 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus
1925 - Gwen Verdon
1919 - Robert Stack
1884 - Sophie Tucker

 ************************************************
A couple were going out for the evening.

They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.

They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab, "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

*************************************************
Blast from the past 

Cartoon Time

Todays Quote

Birthday Girl

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

1 - 2

And Seinfeld is so quick: we crank out one show a week, and the hours are very reasonable.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

As an actress, it appeals to me because I love the idea of playing those in-between moments, the sort of behavioral stuff that one might not normally see.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Before computers, telephone lines and television connect us, we all share the same air, the same oceans, the same mountains and rivers. We are all equally responsible for protecting them.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Doing a half-hour TV show is a dream.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Elaine is just in pain. I think Elaine has become very, very sad woman. She is someone who is in deep need of many hours of analysis and I like to think that I'm not that type of person.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Even my great grand-mother did impressions.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Everybody seems to know me. It's very strange.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I always wanted to perform.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I dropped out of college my junior year to do Saturday Night Live, and I didn't even consult my parents. They were very supportive because they had no choice.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I guess if I wrote a book one day, it would be about hair.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus



I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I really do like to work. I will work again. But on my terms.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I think Elaine would go out with anyone if they showed interest in her. She's nuts. The woman's nuts.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I walk around feeling a sort of existential guilt all the time; and honestly for me this house is a way of feeling less guilty about the universe.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I'm not the type to cut back on hot showers, but there's no harm in hot water when it's warmed by the sun.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I'm particularly fortunate to be in a position where I can bring my child to work and be able to get good child care. Not a lot of women have that.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I've actually considered going with my married name, Julia Hall, but all the paperwork.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

If you feel rooted in your home and family, if you're active in your community, there's nothing more empowering. The best way to make a difference in the world is to start by making a difference in your own life.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

It is, I think, harder for women. I haven't quite figured it out, and all of my women friends haven't figured it out -how the hell do you do this? How do you work and have families?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

It's much more acceptable for men to work and father kids. There's an inherent inequality, because we want to do it all, and I don't know how we can do this all.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact me at papacase77@gmail.com