A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runners heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agentÃs heart because he said it had never been used.
There is no child so bad that he/she can't be used as an income tax deduction.
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
It's tax time. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.
-- Dave Barry
A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a tax lawyer.
Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”
The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”
The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”
Finally the tax lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”
-- CPA Humor
The number of words dealing with income taxes in the Internal Revenue Code and IRS regulations rose nearly tenfold between 1955 and 2005, from 718,000 to more than 7 million How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn't make you fill out forms.
-- Jacob Sullum in Reason
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There is no child so bad that he/she can't be used as an income tax deduction.
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
It's tax time. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.
-- Dave Barry
A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a tax lawyer.
Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”
The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”
The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”
Finally the tax lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”
-- CPA Humor
The number of words dealing with income taxes in the Internal Revenue Code and IRS regulations rose nearly tenfold between 1955 and 2005, from 718,000 to more than 7 million How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn't make you fill out forms.
-- Jacob Sullum in Reason
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Morning Pic Dump
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Birthdays on April 6th
1961 - Rory Bremner
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Todays Pic Dump
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Blast from the Past
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Todays Quote
Birthday Boy
John Ratzenberger
A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally.
John Ratzenberger
After all, at end of the day, when you're breathing your last, it's not your producer, director, or cast mates by your bedside; it's your children. Keep that in mind.
John Ratzenberger
Before 1972, no actors got residuals. They just got paid. No residuals.
John Ratzenberger
But from what I can see all around me today, that America is fading fast, if it's not already gone.
John Ratzenberger
Diabetes affects my family. One of my kids is affected by it.
John Ratzenberger
Find people who share your values, and you'll conquer the world together.
John Ratzenberger
From what I can see, too many kids don't learn pride in their country anymore.
John Ratzenberger
Hollywood has lost touch with their audience a long time ago.
John Ratzenberger
I always played a soldier, sailor, or policemen.
John Ratzenberger
I come from Bridgeport, Connecticut and have friends I grew up with there.
John Ratzenberger
I have been raising money for the past 14 years for diabetes research.
John Ratzenberger
I started improvising the Cliff character, based on someone I grew up with.
John Ratzenberger
I'd never been to acting school, so I never thought I'd get this far.
John Ratzenberger
I'm concerned about the insidious influence of the media's bad messages that undermine the lessons parents try to instill in their sons and daughters.
John Ratzenberger
I've turned down projects based on raunchiness before.
John Ratzenberger
In fact, my son learned his first swear word from E.T. at age five. The way I look at it, E.T. stole a bit of my son's childhood.
John Ratzenberger
In L.A., though, people get off busses calling themselves actors, so many are really not professionals.
John Ratzenberger
It appalls me that the people who decide what Americans will be watching on the tube have never been to the United States. Not the real United States.
John Ratzenberger
On my visits back home, if they saw that I was getting a big head, they'd let me know right away.
John Ratzenberger
So many actors have sheer guts, will, and determination; they just need some preparation.
John Ratzenberger
John Ratzenberger
After all, at end of the day, when you're breathing your last, it's not your producer, director, or cast mates by your bedside; it's your children. Keep that in mind.
John Ratzenberger
Before 1972, no actors got residuals. They just got paid. No residuals.
John Ratzenberger
But from what I can see all around me today, that America is fading fast, if it's not already gone.
John Ratzenberger
Diabetes affects my family. One of my kids is affected by it.
John Ratzenberger
Find people who share your values, and you'll conquer the world together.
John Ratzenberger
From what I can see, too many kids don't learn pride in their country anymore.
John Ratzenberger
Hollywood has lost touch with their audience a long time ago.
John Ratzenberger
I always played a soldier, sailor, or policemen.
John Ratzenberger
I come from Bridgeport, Connecticut and have friends I grew up with there.
John Ratzenberger
I have been raising money for the past 14 years for diabetes research.
John Ratzenberger
I started improvising the Cliff character, based on someone I grew up with.
John Ratzenberger
I'd never been to acting school, so I never thought I'd get this far.
John Ratzenberger
I'm concerned about the insidious influence of the media's bad messages that undermine the lessons parents try to instill in their sons and daughters.
John Ratzenberger
I've turned down projects based on raunchiness before.
John Ratzenberger
In fact, my son learned his first swear word from E.T. at age five. The way I look at it, E.T. stole a bit of my son's childhood.
John Ratzenberger
In L.A., though, people get off busses calling themselves actors, so many are really not professionals.
John Ratzenberger
It appalls me that the people who decide what Americans will be watching on the tube have never been to the United States. Not the real United States.
John Ratzenberger
On my visits back home, if they saw that I was getting a big head, they'd let me know right away.
John Ratzenberger
So many actors have sheer guts, will, and determination; they just need some preparation.
John Ratzenberger
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