Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Stupid Jokes

A young and beautiful blonde was on board a small two seater plane, with her boyfriend. She suddenly saw that her boyfriend has died. Not knowing how to fly a plane, she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Peter, who is looking after Ground control, receives her call for help, thinks for a moment and says, "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position"
The blond said, "I'm 5'2'' and sitting in the front."
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A new clerk was given the duty to help a judge. He was also expected to give the judge a hot cup of coffee in the morning. Every morning, the judge became infuriated when the coffee cup was brought to him just 2/3 full.
The judge rebuked clerk many times, but to no avail. One day he threatened the clerk that if he brings 2/3 coffee, his 1/3 salary would be deducted. Miraculously, thereafter, the judge gets a full cup of coffee everyday. The judge couldn?t resist gloating over his success and asking, how the clerk manages full cup coffee.
The clerk told judge, ?Oh, there?s not much to i. I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.?
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A blonde thinks of doing some business and produce something from her labor. She plans a chicken farm and buys a hundred chickens to get it running. A month later, she returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot has died. Another month passes and she's back at the dealer for another hundred chickens.
The dealer could not stop asking her what she does with so many chickens, and is there any problem.
The blonde said, "I think I know where I'm going wrong. I'm planting them too deep."
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Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided it by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.
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Morning Pic Dump


Birthdays on November 20th
1925 - Robert Kennedy
1929 - Dick Clark
1942 - Joe Biden
1924 - Benoit Mandelbrot
1971 - Joel McHale



Blast from the Past

Afternoon Funnies


Today in History
Nuremberg trials begin, 1945
American Revolution
New Jersey ratifies the Bill of Rights, 1789
Garrett Morgan patents three-position traffic signal, 1923
Civil War
Sherman's March to the Sea continues, 1864
Cold War
American consul in China held "hostage" by communists, 1948
Trials open at Nuremberg, 1945
Explosions rock West Virginia coal mine, 1968
General Interest
American vessel sunk by sperm whale, 1820
Princess Elizabeth marries Philip Mountbatten, 1947
Music producer Phil Spector indicted for murder of actress, 2003
Henry James' first novel is published, 1875
Bo Diddley makes his national television debut on The Ed Sullivan Show, 1955
Old West
Blacksnake Hills trading post is renamed St. Joseph, 1843
Kennedy announces fair housing legislation, 1962
Cal beats Stanford as band blocks field, 1982
Vietnam War
Students Demonstrate Against Dow Chemical Company, 1967
Seymour Hersh files follow-up to My Lai story, 1969
World War I
British launch surprise tank attack at Cambrai , 1917
World War II
Nuremberg war-crimes trials begin, 1945


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